Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
