u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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