Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We're using joints as your birthday candles
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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