I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
