I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
