dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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