she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize