he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Randomize
