oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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