How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
false alarm, still single
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