I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
