I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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