im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
