I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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