so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
