I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
