if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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