dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
