I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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