this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize