Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize