I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
