The beer is more important than you right now.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
