you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
