i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
