i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize