never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
