So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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