dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
