ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
