I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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