Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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