...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
