i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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