why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
