What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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