I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
where are my eyebrows?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
