dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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