finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
