So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize