He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize