drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
the night ended with taco bell and tears
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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