dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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