my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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