drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Randomize
