I'm gonna have a badass scar
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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