how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
This girl is more easily done than said...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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