Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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