i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
