Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
