Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
