I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
