lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
