Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
