i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
