I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
