Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
