i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
