She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
