she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
