OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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