my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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