Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize