She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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