his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
