im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
