You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
