there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
