I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
