Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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