No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
