dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
