I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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