he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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