I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
